Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
