ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
