my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
