Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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