my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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