I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
