Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
