ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
