I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
