You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
