She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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