We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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