my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
