he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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