did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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