Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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