He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
