i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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