she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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