if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
