I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize