There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
