To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
