i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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