I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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