I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
