You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
