Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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