i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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