I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
