I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
