He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
