it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
