So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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