Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
