he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
