Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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