therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
