I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize