Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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