I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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