I want to make a zoo with you.
no, he came in my armpit
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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