Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
