Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
