i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
this boner is exhausting
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm always down for nudity.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
