i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
