i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
