Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
