i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
