thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
