Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
