a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
