You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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