you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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