Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
