there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
