hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
