My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize