so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
