I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
