Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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