Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm always down for nudity.
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