i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
