The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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