He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
