The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
