but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
