my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
