At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize