i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
