thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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