is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
