butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
