Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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