I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
