My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
they need to just BURY HIM!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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