Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
