He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
