god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
