i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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