I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize