I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
