you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
did i walk over a car last night?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
