Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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