I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
