I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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