I have demons in me.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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