I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
