it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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