She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize