There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
