he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize