I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
