does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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