im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize