Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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