I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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