Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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