I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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