remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
