I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
