Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
