I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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