Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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