She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
