I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
