you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize