Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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