no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize