he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
