I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
