Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
