Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i just google imaged poop.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Randomize
