what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Farmville is her only friend.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
