I hope mine doesn't look like that
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
