I just made out with a guy for $7.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
