Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
