my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
