You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
