the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
